Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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