it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
