So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
