dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
