Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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