Your dad touched me again.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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