I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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