I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I didn't notice because vodka
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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