Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
