one two three fourrrrnication!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
