so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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