I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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