I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there's paper in my vomit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
