dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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