you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
