Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
