she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
