Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
