had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
