So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
