My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
