I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
