You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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