Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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