Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
