Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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