i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
