i think my mom watched the whole time
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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