you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
