I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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