Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
third nipple confirmed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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