Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
