Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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