Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
