You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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