Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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