im having a threesome with these popsicles
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
