Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
