he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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