i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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