She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
