24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
