So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
