i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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