My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
