i think my tv is drunk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
