hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dignity is for republicans.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
