If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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