Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
