Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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