how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
