like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
