I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
