Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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