Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
