I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
