I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
