HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
