I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
