you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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