so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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