If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
