So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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