for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
false alarm, still single
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
