He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
