you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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