you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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