alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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