One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
