Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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