Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
