You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
