I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
