sarcasm needs its own font
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she told me i tasted like america
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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