How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude. I can hear the air.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
