do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
