Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
