Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
