she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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