We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
