I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
