Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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