so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
