highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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