So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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