Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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