I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
