i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize