id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
