shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
