And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
