Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
