I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
