Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
