I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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