i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
