don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize