oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
