is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize