Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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