There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you had me at cake vodka
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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