So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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