brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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