So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
